One of the biggest problems I’ve ever had with significant others is the fact that I love to argue, and sometimes, it’s just for the sake of arguing. There is something about getting a heated discussion that makes my blood boil in the best way. I don’t do it because I want to fight with them or because I don’t love them. I do it because it makes me feel closer to them, like no matter what we argue about, we’ll still love each other in the end.
I suppose it all began with my mother.
When you first glance at us two together, you would be shocked as to how alike we look. She could pretty much pass off as my blonde twin so its a little scary. Not only that, but we get along fine. No one would ever know that we argue like two hyena’s over a piece of old meat. But if you were to take a peek on our relationship behind the doors, when no one is looking? WE GO AT IT.
Again, not because we hate each other, not because we just want to piss each other off, but in my eyes, because its a way we connect. The truth of the matter is, we don’t agree on much, and while it does make things difficult, we manage to make it work. Because we are family, and that’s just what families do.
I am now dealing with this problem with the man I love, and it has been difficult. I don’t like complacent talking, I want passion. Whether its on a topic that we agree or disagree on. I want it to have meaning, and some times, he doesn’t get it.
Some things I have learned about arguing with someone you love and still managing to love them in the end:
Don’t let these arguments get to you. Not even considering your significant other, consider yourself first. If you’re going to get insulted arguing, you’re probably not meant to argue. Thick skin is a must with arguing because you need to remember that this isn’t something that defines your relationship. If you’re like me, its something that makes it stronger.
Remind them that no matter how much you argue and how much things get heated, you still love them. It’s just a discussion, something that (should) have no effect on how you feel about each other. And if you’re at that point in your life with them, that nothing can change the way you feel about them.
Consider it the extra spice in your relationship. A big issue I have with relationships is that people become comfortable and complacent. Things like relationships need passion, they need that extra fire lit under them to keep things interesting. Why be with someone who doesn’t keep you on your toes? I personally am a fast paced person, and I need someone who can not only keep up with me, but who can still manage to surprise me.
In the end, in my eyes, what it boils down to, is I don’t want someone to get in an argument with me and be complacent. I want to fight, because without it, problems in relationships never get solved. There are moments, and I can admit to this honestly, where I am the biggest cry baby. I don’t know how I manage to be the biggest baby and yet love to argue. Its the strangest thing, but at least I’ve got emotions. But as much emotion that I have, I don’t have enough for two people.
Arguing is the sort of thing that you do, and you do it well with a lot of emotion, but afterwards you’re still wanting to crawl into the same bed as that person at night.